Like most office workers, I procrastinate a whole lot. Hell, as you can see, I blog quite a bit during the weekdays, when in fact I should be spending my first few hours at work setting myself up for the day, catching up on what happened last week, and preparing a plan that I’ll be following the whole week.
But if you know me, that’s just bullshit. Heh.
Usually my day starts off early at 7:30am, running on 4-5 hours of sleep because I couldn’t sleep right the night before. (I’m working on that! More to come.) I shuffle on to the bathroom, lazily get myself ready the day with a shower, brushing my teeth, and eating a decent breakfast of whatever’s on the table, usually a few pieces of pandesal and some nummy nummy water. Then it’s off to the MRT!
I get to the office a few minutes late usually, and I sit down in my area and type away on this blog. Before this, however, I used to fuck around in social media and feel depressed over how good other peoples’ lives are going compared to mine. Throughout the day, I am distracted by multiple inputs: people asking about the progress of a certain thing, Facebook notifications, Twitter notifications, Telegram notifications, Outlook notifications, people asking me out to go for a smoke, two-hour lunches. Add the fact that I procrastinate like crazy. For example, I’ve probably had at least 5 distractions as I was writing this blog post. From the last sentence up to now was a 10-minute break wherein I was distracted again, looking at baby onesies. Go figure.
Everybody procrastinates. It’s nothing new. Look around your work area / your classroom and you’ll see people on social media or some blog site answering a quiz that doesn’t mean anything for your personality. Sometimes though, some people have it worse. As I keep telling everyone (shoot me a tweet if you’re annoyed at this point), I’m bipolar type 2 and it seems as though depression makes procrastination worse. It’s the stupidest, most counterproductive thing ever. You already feel depressed so instead of doing what you’re supposed to do today, you end up fucking with something else. Again, it’s the most counterproductive thing ever. You waste your time and it actually increases your anxiety, which leads to more depression, and more procrastination. It’s a vicious cycle!
What sucks as well is the fact that I’m working in the marketing industry. If you’ve ever been in a marketing agency, you know that clients are an agency person’s worst enemy, which sucks because there are many clients and most of them act like your worst enemy. It completely defeats the purpose of being there as a consultant. And when you feel like you’re always wrong, you get anxious. Well, at least I do. People hear me rage loudly, which in retrospect is pretty damn embarassing. (Sorry, office people that read this.) Anxiety makes me procrastinate, which increases my anxiety, which makes me feel even more depressed, and which brings me back to step 1: procrastinate.
I try to manage my procrastination with Ritalin, but even that can’t help me. I’m just hyperfocused on procrastinating and I flit from one task to another because I guess, that’s just how my personality is. I get bored really, really fast. WHICH IS ANNOYING. I need to talk to my doctor about this soon.
So what do we do? What do we do when procrastination is obviously taking over your work ethic? I have no idea. If you were expecting to see something good come out of this post, maybe a few pointers, sorry to disappoint but this is all we got, yo. I’m trying to be as mindful as possible about what I do, focus on what I’m doing, but when your brain is wired a certain way, it takes a bit of time to rewire it. I’m trying to meditate at home when I finish work, I try to sweat it out after a long day to refresh my head. But yes, it will take some time and you never know what’s actually gonna work.
Living as a bipolar can be tough, but to be honest, I’m trying to be strong. I owe it to myself.
But yes, I definitely still will procrastinate. It’s a process, you know?